The love field isNOT for me.

I could not believe how silly I had been. Do I like the guy? ...Terribly!!!
Do I want him to like me?.... ABSOLUTELY!!!
Then why?!! please someone come and tell me WHY!!!!! I said what I said.

I stayed up for a very long time, I check my IM and didn't see him there. I wondered if I should call him after school the next day, I wondered if I should just give him time. I missed him though.

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School is not distracting enough, my friends are in their own world and thinking about him and what's going to happen is eating me. Anxiety, I should look that up!

I came home and he called me, he said that he was coming over to help me with my homework. He was doing his part, we were still friends.
We worked on my homework and it was just too weird. After dinner we took a little walk and landed ourselves on the grass, there somehow I could not really control much of what I said... I wasn't really thinking, I looked at him and said...

"I think I change my mind"**********ohh dear, he's going to ask what I mean, I don't want say anything.... wait, is that.......... a ..grin?......breathe!!!****

"Belky, do you know your eyes shine?" -------(it sounds way better in Spanish)----
and I said..............................remember I was not thinking.... I was feeling............ and sweating.....

"they do because they are looking at you" *****************oh my dear, my heart is coming out of my chest, why did I say that out loud?!! , he's smiling... he's looking at me..........at my eyes....I'm dizzy...oh yeah , breathe.... how long has it been? I think he can stare for a long time.............oh my..... he has my hands..............I really like this...............

..WOW!!! I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!! WHAT IF HE WANTS TO KISS NOW?!!! I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.............MY FAMILY.....WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO SAY?!!..........

.......calm down, breathe...... what is his family going to say? that I came here following him? that I ruined his mission? that I am trying to get a Green card?...........................what am I thinking?!!!............remain calm.................remember who you are,,,,,,,,,,,,remember who he is.....................you two don't match.........plus, you never wanted a WHITE BOY!!!!...................what?? oh, he's talking....***************

"yes, we should go for a walk"

As he held my hand, as we walked together I could not feel happier, and yet I was bothered by 'what would people and his family say' I was thinking that he was not for me, and that I needed to let him free.......................so we walked back to my apartment and I said ......

"we should talk"..............